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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2010-03-17/celebrity-apprentice-the-world-moves-closer-to-a-sinbad-vs-bret-michaels-finale/ http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=55747 
My mother finds Donnie Trump Jr. good looking. I prefer my men without electric anode rods in their anus. But that’s just meeee. *tap dances out of the room*
Daylight Savings Time hit hard this year, as technically we lost three hours of our lives. One, to Daylight Savings, and two more hours thanks to the premiere of Donald Trump’s opus The Celebrity Apprentice. And thank God. This Winter has been a brutal one for reality television, and now that American Idol has officially claimed its “Worst Season Ever” medal, we’re in desperate need for some good (garbagey) TV. And oh, how Apprentice delivers. Only replace the word “garbage” with “solid gold bars” and then you’d be right.
Lauper debuts a piece from her upcoming “Failed Artists” line for Target.
The cast this season is STELLAR MCCARTNEY. A few weeks ago, we called the winner of the season… perhaps in our fantasies. But since then some things have changed. For example, I met Bret Michaels last week. Seriously. We were on a panel on The Joy Behar Show (HLN @9!) together. And I can tell you first hand: The guy is a charmer. Funny, smart, great personality. Which is why we’re upping his rank from the previous #7 to a hopeful #2. See, that’s because we’ve realized our Celebrity Apprentice dream finale…
SINBAD VS BRET MICHAELS
Can you imagine the hilarity? Honestly, we can’t. Which is why this needs to happen.
But back to the Premiere.
It’s boys vs. girls as always, the twist being that each team gets to choose who they want the other team’s leader to be. The boys (“Rock Solid”) pick the inimitable imitable Cyndi Lauper, while the women (“Tenacity”) take the obvious route and choose Bret Michaels. Because they are racist against blond guys in bandanas.
Olympian Michael Johnson has all but perfected his J.B. Smoove impression.
The challenge is for each team to open a diner, and earn the most money via the diner. The real issue we have with The Apprentice is the idea that people can call their rich friends and encourage them to come over and donate. Sure, it’s great for the charities, but it sort of renders any challenge pointless. The entire show is basically a bunch of celebrities showing off how rich and/or generous their friends are.
In this case, the women clearly beat the guys when it came to “Who had the best diner?” Their chefs, Olympian Summer Sanders and Victoria Secret model Selita Ebanks groindin and grillin burgers. Cyndi Lauper was the head waitress, and was spinning plates so fast we were expecting Carson’s corpse to walk into the diner just to shake this woman’s hand. Sharon Osbourne is easily the most entertaining, clever person on the show, and unless she effs up big time. She’s this season’s Joan Rivers.
Curtis Stone was growing tired of Blago’s persistent pitching of a TV show called “Take Home Guv.”
Then you have an all new episode of Hangin’ with Mr. Lazy, where Holly Robinson Peete, who sat at the front of the restaurant ringing people up and barking orders at the others. Instead of getting off her ass towards the end of the challenge to rope in all the big donors outside, she just sat there swiping credit cards. And Carol Leifer, who didn’t add much spice to the show, but who will forever be revered in our books for writing 6 of the funnier Seinfeld episodes ever. Leifer gave the world “Shrinkage.” What has Maria Kanellis really ever done?
But what about the boys? The oh-so-fine Curtis Stone swapped his button down for a white tee and apron and was just stirrin up creamy risotto all the live long day*(also our euphemism for imagined sex with Curtis). Bret, as always amazing, and Sinbad, who is just a dream come true… Just hearing Donald Trump say the NAME Sinbad makes watching 2 hours of this show worthwhile.
Then there’s Jewish Wrestler Goldberg, who we secretly think is pretending to be Jewish. Listen to him say “You bet your Too-kus” a few times, and it’s like eating Passover Seder at Applebees.
And then, there was Blago. Oh, Rod Blagojevich, former Guv of Ill, you of the Spaceballs helmet hair, a man who had the privilege of once being America’s Least Favorite Governor. But it is for the very same reasons that got him impeached — abuses of power, attempts to sell legislative authorizations and vetos — that will actually make him a fabulous Celebrity Apprentice. Blago acted as one of the waiters in the Rock Solid Diner, and watching him awkwardly shmooze while still pretty much being a slimebucket, I couldn’t help but notice his resemblance to perhaps the most famous Midwestern Slime B in cinematic history… Fargo’s Jerry Lundegaard:
William H. Macy, your career is officially back.
The task went smoothly enough, with a very welcome cameo by last year’s Celebrity Apprentice winner Joan Rivers, who should really just replace Ivanka at this point as a regular fixture on the show.
But, it’s all about the rich friends on this show. In the boardroom, Cyndi Lauper “brought the Lulz”–Internet, by telling Donald Trump
“My friend Edith thinks you’re very sexy and she likes your hair.”
Edith, ladies and gentleman:
While all arrows pointed at the women winning this challenge — the Victoria Secret model’s burger beating Curtis Stones truffles (also the name of an upcoming porn, obviously) — the men were able to raise more cash. From Trump’s own mouth: “The quality of food doesn’t matter, nothing matters… except the money.” And the men won. Which is fine by us – as long as Bret and Sinbad are in this game, we will continue having what we like to call “Motivation To Get Up In The Morning.” $100,000 went to Bret Michaels’ charity, the American Diabetes Association.
The women were now on the chopping block. And of course, it wouldn’t be an Apprentice without someone putting down Rosie O’Donnell — a good friend of Cyndi Lauper, and Trump’s nemesis. To hear Rosie’s take on the matter, listen to the following clip from her radio show on the matter:
The women were uneasy placing blame on any individual, but in the end, it was Carol Leifer who was sent packing. We love Carol but can understand why she was chucked. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like she added too much plot or drama to the team, which is the kiss of reality show death.
And so, Leifer was sent packing. And the world moves closer to the Sinbad/Bret Michaels finale.
What did you guys think of the premiere? Who are you placing your bets on to win this season? Lemme guess… it rhymes with Aaron Nosbourne.
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